if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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