Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
