My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize