I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
