I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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