nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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