My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
