I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
