There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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