I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
