I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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