I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
