This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
