biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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