no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
