Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
