mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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