Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
