take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Everclear isn't food dammit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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