Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I want is dick and wine.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
