Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
