This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
