I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
