hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
