i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just blew my weed a kiss
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize