I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
