Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
