he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
