Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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