I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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