I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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