PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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