I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
