Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
