just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Boobs speak an international language.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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