I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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