when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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