I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
