Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
