after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
