How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
