The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
