I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
