she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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