That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You ruined the universe
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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