i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize