I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
