dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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