We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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