Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
