well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
