I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
