im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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