i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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