Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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