you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
