Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
