Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
