There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
