I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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