That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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