Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
