Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
