I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
