i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
