the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
