i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
