wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
