his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
